The pitch and the goals
Pace out a rectangle roughly twice as long as it is wide — for eight players, about thirty paces by fifteen is a good start, and you'll adjust after five minutes of actually running it. Set two markers about four paces apart at each end; that gap is the goal, and there is no crossbar, which is the one thing this game has to solve for itself. Agree on the touchlines by pointing at whatever's there: a curb, a tree line, the edge of the grass. Split into two even teams. If one side is clearly stronger, move somebody now rather than at 4–0.
Objective
Play the ball into the other team's goal with any part of you except your hands and arms. First team to the number you agreed on wins.
How it's played
Kickoff and restarts
Start from the middle of the pitch, with the other team standing off a few paces until the ball is touched. After a goal, the team that conceded restarts from the middle the same way. Nobody has to touch the ball twice, and nobody has to pass it backward — just play.
Out of bounds
When the ball crosses a touchline, the team that didn't touch it last restarts with a kick from where it went out, and the other team stands a few paces off. Throw-ins are not part of this game — kicking it back in keeps everyone's hands out of it and keeps play moving. When the ball goes out behind a goal, it's a kick from the corner if the defending team put it out, and a kick from the goal line if the attacking team did.
Nobody's hands, nobody's keeper
There is no goalkeeper in this baseline and no player may use their hands or arms at any time, including on the goal line. If you want to defend your goal, stand in front of it and use your body like everybody else. This is the simplest honest version of small-sided soccer: a dedicated keeper on a four-pace goal ends the game, and a rotating keeper means somebody is always bored. Groups with bigger goals and a willing volunteer commonly add a keeper who may use hands inside a marked box — a good change, and a real one, because it pulls a player out of the run of play.
No offside
There is no offside in this rulebook. Offside needs someone standing on a line watching two things at once, and you don't have that person. On a pitch this size the problem offside solves is small, and the next rule handles what's left of it.
No camping
You may not stand and wait next to the other team's goal while your team defends. If the ball is in your own half, you have to be in it too — get back or get out of the way. This is a call the whole group makes, out loud, and the fix is simply that the camper comes back; nothing is awarded. It's an honor rule with an obvious tell, and in practice one shout is enough.
Keeping it even
Anybody may call for a swap when the game is lopsided, and the natural moment is right after a goal. Move one player across, restart, and don't make a ceremony of it. If someone arrives mid-game, they join the team that's behind. If someone leaves and the sides go uneven, the short-handed team gets the next kickoff regardless of who scored.
Goals, and the height rule
A goal counts when the whole ball passes between the two markers below shoulder height — shoulder height on the shortest player standing in the goal, decided once, before kickoff, by that player standing there while everybody looks. Anything above that is not a goal and is not worth arguing about: without a crossbar, height is unknowable, so the rule is deliberately low enough that the answer is obvious. Balls that clip a marker and go through count; balls that hit a marker and stay out don't. If the room is split on a goal, it doesn't count and play restarts with the defending team — the tie goes to the defense, so nobody has to be the judge.
Fouls
Kicking at legs, pulling shirts, shoving, and sliding through a player are fouls. So is a hand or arm used deliberately on the ball; a ball that hits an arm nobody moved is play on. On any foul, the other team restarts with a free kick from where it happened and everybody else stands a few paces off. There are no cards, no penalty kicks, and no ejections in this baseline. If somebody keeps fouling, the group says so and that player sits out until the next goal. That's the whole disciplinary system, and it's enough, because everybody there wants to keep playing.
Winning
Decide before kickoff how the game ends and say it out loud: first team to seven is a good default for eight players. If you'd rather play to a clock, set one and play the last goal out — the game ends when the ball next goes dead, not mid-attack. When nobody set anything and the light is going, call next goal wins.
Make it yours
Every court answers these differently. The rulebook above is one honest baseline — these are the calls that make it yours.
Keeper or no keeper?
And if there's a keeper: fixed, rotating, or a rusher who can leave the box?
Shoulder height, waist height, or knee height for a goal?
Lower makes it a passing game. This is the parameter every park invents for itself.
First to seven, or a running clock?
Clocked games change how a losing team plays the last five minutes.
Kick-ins or throw-ins?
Throw-ins are more like the real thing; kick-ins keep play faster.
No offside, or offside from the halfway line?
Halfway-line offside is the common middle ground and needs no official.
The prose is the game. Every change here is saved as a new version, and every match ever played pins the exact rules it was played under.